Slowburger

For one so small, this Northeast Portland burger bar in The Ocean restaurant mini-mall packs a meaty wallop. The required decisions between you and your hunk of beef are few—choose between three signature burgers (plus a seasonal and veggie version), all of which can be un-supersized into a three-ounce replica for $3.50, four beers on tap, and fries two ways—with or without stinky cheese. If all this doesn’t have you hot and bothered enough, utilize the locally-made Crazy Juice ghost chili sauce beside the soda fountain.